Before I continue on with further posts, I want to make it known that I love my father. Despite the relationship we had, or didn’t have when I was young and despite some of the hurtful things my siblings and I endured…I will always love my father. He isn’t my man of steel, and I don’t think of him as someone I admire but nevertheless…he’s my dad. I wish we lived closer so we could hang out or just sit and talk. I suppose one of us could just call each other once in a while but I despise talking on the phone so there isn’t much hope for that.
It’s very important to note that I don’t BLAME my father for the hurt he put me through at times. He was never a bad person. He simply lacked some fatherly skills, just as I lack some fatherly skills. I know he never intended to hurt his children, I can tell that in his voice as he talks into the machine while I’m being born. He wanted a great life for us, it just didn’t happen that way. At least, not the exact way he envisioned. Whether it was his own choices or others’, life happened the way it did. And that’s the point I’d like to make. LIFE JUST HAPPENS SOMETIMES!!! We have our plans, we have our goals, and we see a future for ourselves that is great and glorious. But sometimes it just doesn’t happen that way, life can be cruel. In our families’ case, the great and glorious future turned out to be stormy and rough. But we weathered those storms and we navigated the rough roads; and interestingly enough, my father’s children all seemed to turn out to be decent, respectable men and women; although we all probably have our own “daddy issues” that bother us from time to time. The harsh times made us all a little stronger and a little smarter. It took me a while to see it, but I was able to use my father's example and become a better man and a better father. My father indirectly taught me how to be a great man by providing me with a lifetime of mistakes...and for that I'm very grateful.
Today my father is a good man who I believe is still trying to find his niche in the world; but aren’t we all. I know he doesn’t like me writing about some of the things I experienced as a child. It isn’t easy to have your mistakes brought up and to hear how you made your child feel. I wouldn’t want to hear it or read it either. But it’s necessary for me to write these things because this was my life and these are the things that shaped me. My father wasn’t perfect nor should he have tried to be. He could have done more for us and for himself but unfortunately, life happened the way it did and we all endured some things that hopefully we can continue to learn from.
I’ve focused on father enough…now onto my mother!!!
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